What Is It Like to Have Schizophrenia?

Imagine.

You’re sitting in class, third period to be exact. Your phone vibrates against your desk, you lift it and see a message from your boyfriend. It says something along the lines of “hhelp got drukn and was in a carr accdient”.

Your hearts start to race and you become extremely worried. Is he okay? Did he hurt anyone? What will happen to him legally?

Your mind is buzzing and you raise your hand to ask your teacher to use the restroom, planning to call him in the hallway. You turn your head to look at the teacher, then look back at your hand. Your phone isn’t in your hand. It’s not even on your desk, it’s in your backpack. You lower your hand and take your phone out of your backpack. No messages from your boyfriend. You were hallucinating, yet it seemed so real. You honestly believed it really happened. It struck true worry and fear in you.

Now you’re taking the SAT. You slept well beforehand, you studied, you have hope you’ll get a great score. Hopefully many scholarships are in your future.

It’s the English portion of the test, you’re reading an excerpt about psychological testing. But, it’s hard to read. There’s whispering in your ear. It starts soft, then grows louder and louder. It’s hard to focus, all you want is to do well on this test but it becomes increasingly more difficult. You glance at the front of the room and see your test proctor holding a poster of the moon, she looks directly in your eyes and says, “Who is on the moon?” You hear a student answer, “The devil!” enthusiastically. Your teacher responds, “Correct. The devil is on the moon, and he’s watching you, Emilie.” You look back down at your test and up again, your teacher is sitting at her desk. You hallucinated all of that. You wonder why you have to take your SAT with so many disruptions from your brain. You’re at a disadvantage.

Now, you’re driving home from a long day. You spent the night at your friends house, then went to Disney with another friend right after. You forgot to pack your medications while spending the night, so you only got about half an hour of sleep the night before. Plus, missing a dose of antipsychotics isn’t good, symptoms come back very fast. It’s about 10:30pm, and you’re alone in the car. You keep glancing in your rear view mirror at the car behind you, they’ve been behind you for a while. You feel your heart rate speed up. What if they’re following you?

You take a right turn, they also turn right. You grip the wheel and tears start flowing from your eyes. “Why are they following me? Why me?” you think to yourself. You start bawling, quite loudly. You speed thirty miles over the speed limit to get home, hoping to lose them. While in your neighborhood, you see a cat in the road, it jumps in front of your car then disappears. You scream and cry. You jump out of your car and look for the nonexistent cat until your mom runs out of the house and grabs you, pulling you back inside.

These are just a few of my experiences with having schizophrenia.


This post was written by Emilie Morgan and was originally published on Quora.com